A close friend of mine (i repeat, a very close friend – i’m trying hard to get into the groom’s entourage) recently announced his engagement. It was sugary, sappy, and saccharin sweet: I have done up an illustration of the Kodak moment -
It was a very long engagement of sorts and the bride-to-be apparently had to go through a certain amount of travailing before receiving the prized rock. Tsk, tsk, young people nowadays (we’re the same age).
The announcement was made at my place (for various logistical reasons) and all of us gathered to watch my very good friend squirm and stutter as he was being grilled about details of the proposal -
“Did you get down on one knee?”
“Where was the exact location?”
“Um, the Student Services Centre.” (which may perhaps explain the answer to the knee question)
We promptly celebrated the joyous occasion by watching an original DVD of the epic Dead or Alive, and the general sentiment was that if the title of the movie was a question, most of them would rather be the former than to come anywhere near opening the jewel case again.
However there was a mildly tumultuous incident when the same friend who almost got strangled by cables the last time we met gave us some cause for concern when she slumped motionless in the sofa, in spite of the visceral and somewhat rambunctious violence happening on screen. She turned out to be fine and apparently “the last time it happened was when I watched Britney Spears’ Crossroads”.
They should really have those warnings prior to the movie kind of like those that warn epileptics if there are flashing lights. It could be loosely worded, something like “NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE WITH SIGHT AND HEARING”.
It was a harrowing experience and you know how they say you always hurt the people closest to you. But that’s what (very) good friends are for, eh? *Wink Wink*
Its been almost 3 weeks since I last posted! And I’ve realized that traffic is still maintaining at a relatively decent level – meaning I’ve disappointed my weekly average of four readers the past 18 days.
Blogging is hard work. I’ve made a list of observations about blogging that you may find extremely insightful if:
(a) you have just discovered the world of Internet
(b) you’ve just learnt English and this is the first blog you’re introduced to, unfortunately, and
(c) you’ve never heard of Google.
Here’s the revelatory list. Enjoy.
1. Sex sells. An acquaintance of mine has a blog that is extremely popular – Its top posts are about masturbation in public places, nude photos and celebrity scandals. The closest I’ve come is a semi-nude photo of Jason Mraz and that may have reduced my traffic by half, unless you’re gay – thanks guys but please use Google images for your personal requirements.
2. Politics sell. Blogs that flame the government are also highly popular in the local culture. It’s just not my thing unfortunately, plus it doesn’t help that I’m on the Interpol wanted list for a small matter regarding some missing watches.
3. It’s hard to hold a full time job and blog consistently at the same time, especially if you would like to continue holding that full time job.
4. To blog with creative topics (like what I’ve done, thank you very much) is not very sustainable unless you’ve a team of equally astute writers (like me, thank you very much) or like me, you have no moral affinity towards plagiarism.
5. It’s important to have pictures in your blog posts. In reference to point 1., I did a “bare-it-all” series of personal photos (extreme close-ups) and sent it to a very close friend for a preview. While the post was never eventually published, I’m happy to say that my friend still reads my blog in Braille.
6. Tagging is extremely important. In reference to point 1 again, you should tag your blogs with words like “sex”, “nude”, “nude photos” to drive traffic to your site, even if the content is non-related as these are common words that men surf blogs for sites with good overall editorial content
7. Humour is important. Knock-knock jokes are a sure-fire way to get your readers off on a laughing fit, and if you really want to nail this humor thing, “NOT” jokes are absolutely essential. For example, “Humour is important – NOT” is a haha laugh-out-loud kind of funny statement.
8. Twittering is a hell lot easier than blogging. You don’t have to spell check or even make proper grammatically correct sentences. It’s a great way to conect with people!
With the kind of month i’ve had in March, wouldn’t mind spending an entire week in Ontario, any of those quaint little french-canadian touristy spots even, i’ll live with it, i don’t have to speak english, i don’t need to be on the internet, don’t have to tweet or SuperPoke or SMS or be under the watchful eyes of Big Sister. I’ll do a 50metre run up and jump off the ramp from the Maid of the Mist into the screen of colours. you’ll see me flailing my arms like I’m drowning, but I wouldn’t even mind except that my sorrows better not have learnt to swim.
With the kind of month I’ve had in March, i wouldn’t mind renting a small canoe with nothing but a bag of baguettes, a twinpack of Kraft slices and a tumbler of Buds, I’ll live on the lake picking off frozen fishes or travellers from the surface roasting them under a fire which i intelligently start with just a shrapnel from a crashed plane and a flintstone (thanks, Fred). I’ll capture moments framing them with my thumb and forefinger and every shot is as beautiful as i imagine it to be.
With the kind of month I’ve had in March, I’ll pretend i’m Frodo – no,Legolas – i’m waiting for the return of the king, i’m trekking to find the ring, whatever. I’ll pick cherries off the trees and if there’re no cherries i’ll eat Wild Unknown Fruits and if i wake up the next day alive I’ll have some more of it. I’ll scoop water off tributaries and rivers (upstream, cause I’m intelligent) with my hands and watch my grizzled face in the reflection, and I’ll give a big wide grin like I just found Wilson or something.
It’s been 5 days since my last entry and certainly my longest break thus far.
Let’s just say in this period i was between the midnight and the dawning, in a place of no consequence or company.
Missed an intended birthday celebration, two important work meetings and ended up spreading the disease everywhere like I was the Germinator.
The trouble with having such a virus that totally clogs up your nasal system is that it deprives you of what you need the most – a good sleep.
And thanks to my snorting and sniffing I also deprive the Others from sleeping soundly and without dreams of being randomly attacked by a wild boar.
The medication takes me further into the aforementioned realm and I am trying hard to respond to emails in a coherent and cogent manner while those beanstalks keep dancing in my brain.
I don’t even want to explain that.
Anyhow, its been a relief to finally coagulate my thoughts into words on screen. Somehow its comforting to hear your own voice again – the effect i get reading my own entries, be it the nonsensical lists that i come up with or rantings about the awesomeness of my favourite things.
I guess a severe sickness puts you in the mode to just restart and just reboot yourself. Reviewing bad dietary habits. Sleeping patterns. Time spent on Youtube.
Time spent on blogging, for that matter. Topics of choice.
The Love has been telling me my blog is too third-person in a detached, impersonal sort of manner. I took that as a great compliment – seriously, who wants to read about the ongoing mundanities of an urban dweeb?
But some of you actually do want to, don’t you?
Anyhow, excuse me while i go continue to fend my brain cells off from blue coloured hamoegoblins (aptly named, aren’t they) that are attempting to chew off the cognitive part of my consciousness.
I’ll be back with the rest of the stuff I owe you avid readers like part II of Shoevolution and Comics and Cartoons.
A song that gives you a weird feeling, the kind that makes you sad in a funny sort of way.
Do yourself a favour and strictly listen to this with earphones please. In-ear ones preferably. Make yourself a hot chocolate. Find a cosy chair under a dim light. And close your eyes – wait, don’t do that – he looks pretty cool in this one.
Thank you Mraz, for again being awesome and capturing moods in the way only your voice can.